


those blue eyes

by MegaSanduu



Series: brothers in arms [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars: Rebellion Era - All Media Types
Genre: Artistic License, Baby Luke, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Kid Fic, Kid Luke Skywalker, Mentions of Mustafar, Nightmares, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Obi-Wan loves poetry, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Traumatized Obi-Wan Kenobi, no beta we die like men, you can pry that headcanon out of my cold dead hands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:33:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22791778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MegaSanduu/pseuds/MegaSanduu
Summary: Obi-Wan's sole purpose in life is protecting young Luke Skywalker. So naturally, when Owen Lars suffers from injury that forces him to seek medical attention in Mos Espa, the former Jedi master agrees to take care of the small child just for one night. Will he be able to take care of the child without his issues surfacing upon looking in those familiar eyes?
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Luke Skywalker
Series: brothers in arms [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1738327
Comments: 6
Kudos: 117





	those blue eyes

His life hadn’t been easy for the past three and a half years.

To be honest, the last time he could truthfully say his life was easy was before his mission to Naboo. Calming, reassuring presence in the force still alive, at his side, connected to him. After his master died in his arms he had troubles sleeping. His guilt poisoned his mind with hundreds what if’s. He replayed the dual in his mind over and over again searching for that one mistake that cost him the life of his best friend and the closest thing he ever had to a father. 

Anakin was the only thing that kept him strong. Cradling the boy while he was crying himself to sleep was not only a good excuse to his terrible sleep pattern but also a reason for him to feel needed, to get up every day and ultimately, get better. For a short while, he was proud of himself. He managed to raise a promising Jedi knight despite nine years at his mother’s side. But then everything burnt to ashes right in front of his eyes. Literally.

All of his muscles tensed as he heard the kettle whistle behind him. He filled his cup with hot water and blew on his poor quality tea as he once again looked out of the window at the scene in front of his cottage. 

“Ben! Look! I made a castle with three towers!” A boy in his front yard (if one could call it like that) stood up and pointed his finger at a pile of sand.

“Very nice, Luke.” He set the tea on the table. “Now come quickly, dinner is ready.” 

He waited another minute before coming out to collect the child. He kneeled in front of the little one to rid his hands of the sand.

“Is it any better than lunch?” The boy asked with a bit of fear, that amused the old man.

“I can’t promise that.” He smiled and gathered Luke in his arms. “But I did try.”

The food must have been better this time around because soon both sandwiches were gone from the plate and the boy was quietly sipping his tea while Ben read a book. Well, staring at one page restarting it repeatedly. Those eyes. Those blue eyes that haunted his dreams were drilling into him. Scanning him. As if looking for weakness. 

_I hate you._

“Why aren’t you eating?” He jumped as if he was shot by the battle droid.

“Pardon?” he muttered not sure if he was spoken to, or if his mind was playing tricks on him again.

“You didn’t eat.” When the older man lifted his eyes he was met with the look of concern rather than anger. “Are you scared?”

Of course. The boy could read his force signature like a book, even if he didn’t know he was doing it.

“Don’t worry, auntie said that uncle Owen will be fine.” Such a pure soul. Ben let out a tired breath. 

“I know Luke. I guess I’m just not that hungry today.” He said looking everywhere but the kid’s eyes. How pathetic is that?

His companion seemed to find his answer sufficient and went back to doodling on a piece of paper. 

Ben returned his eyes to his book and managed to read a couple of pages. His eyes absently scanned trough couple of poems before he felt, and then saw the boy climbing to his lap. 

He stiffened at first but ended up supporting the little one with his arm. A blonde head rested on his chest and he heard a long sigh. 

“Is this a book I can listen to?” Luke asked in a tiny voice.

Ben smiled. He was rereading one of his favourites. This particular book he got from Satine. It was poetry. He must admit that poems and meditation were the only things keeping him safe these days. This particular book was filled with beautiful sonnets wrote by two star crossed lovers. Some of them were not appropriate for a three-year-old, but he could fish out some more innocent ones.

“Do you like poetry?” Blue eyes were raised at him and he felt uncomfortable pinch once again but this time he managed to mask it. “I think you are a tad too little to understand.

Luke huffed. “Auntie says I am a smart boy.” He crossed his arms. 

Ben chuckled and read a couple of poems aloud, purposefully exaggerating his inflexion as if the sad poems were a bedtime story. The child in his arms relaxed and he gave into a calm atmosphere as well. Sometimes he commented on the poems or added a little story that he heard on one of his numerous adventures. Soon he felt. Luke going limp in his arms.

“Do you think you should go to sleep, little one?” He asked absently placing a kiss on top of the golden locks. He mentally reprimanded himself immediately. This child didn’t know him, what was he thinking.

To his surprise, the kid cuddled into his chest with a moan. “No!” he said with a weary tone. “Just one more!” 

He was met with those eyes. Those blue eyes. How could he ever refuse his Anakin?

A cold shiver ran down his spine and hairs on his nape stood. He tensed once again.

Anakin is dead. He reminded himself. He sealed his fate on Mustafar. 

_If you are not with me, then you are my enemy._

He killed so many children. Just like Luke on his lap. Children like Luke. Just like him, and even younger. So innocent, unable to protect themselves. 

_From my point of view, the Jedi are evil._

He brought it onto himself. He murdered so many. He killed his friends. He helped murder children. Those screams. Those blood-curdling screams

_Master Skywalker, there are too many of them, what are we going to do?_

Murderer. Traitor. Sith. Emperor’s pet. His Brother.

**I hate you.**

“Ben, I’m sorry…” Chocked up sob ripped him away from those yellow eyes back to the blue ones now filled with tears. Luke was shaking in his lap. Hot tears streaming down his face as he sobbed quietly into the older man’s robe. Ben immediately gathered him in his arms and only when he pressed his cheek to the boy’s golden hair he realised he was crying himself. He hushed the boy and whispered words of reassurance into his ears.

“It’s fine.” He said quietly. “My eyes are just tired. We should both get some sleep.” 

He got up with the child in his arms, little arms holding onto him for dear life. He set little one on the cot end kneeled beside him. Unsure of what to do he just waited for Luke to let go of his shirt. After some time he realized that he has to do something. He gently placed tiny hands at boy’s sides and started undoing his shoes. Luke removed his clothes and got dressed in his sleeping onesie. He then let Ben button it up. A big yawn escaped his mouth and he looked at Ben as if waiting.

“Are you going to sleep now too?” Ha asked with a tiny voice. 

Ben smiled at him and patted his head. “No, I need to keep you safe.”

“Oh.” Kid fiddled with his sleeves and looked at his hands. “Are you going to stay here?” 

The old man swallowed hard. Luke was scared. After all, he was only three, probably spending his first night without his adoptive parents in a strange place, with an old man he barely knew. How could he leave him alone like that? Instead, he told the child to scoot over and lied on his side, head propped up on his hand. He used his other hand to encourage the boy to lie down. 

Once again he was surprised when Luke moved to lay as close to him as possible. The old man let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes. 

“Can I have a bedtime story?” The boy asked unsurely as if he was afraid he would make Ben cry again.

“I don’t know any good ones.” All my stories end in heartbreak. 

He was once again pierced with blue eyes. 

“How can you not know any?” It almost sounded like an accusation. “Didn’t your mum tell you stories?” Sly little fox. Just like Anakin.

“I am very old, Luke.” He spoke rather slowly to get his point through to the little one. “Maybe she did but I don’t remember.”

Luke seemed disappointed, to say the least. Ben felt a little pinch in his heart. Suddenly he got an idea. “How about... You tell me one?” Those blue eyes lit up, just like he had seen them light up many times before. 

He was quickly informed that he was in no position to receive a bedtime story. He had to lie down on his back, and apparently let the storyteller lay his little head on his broad chest. He chuckled and let his calloused, big hand cover half of Boy’s back, while his other hand rested on the boy’s head. His rough thumb stroked smooth forehead. For a moment he thought that he should stop. No child would find this enjoyable. Surprisingly Luke leaned further into his scarred hand. 

He listened to a rather simple story about a prince of some made-up planet, but he never heard the ending because only a few minutes later Luke’s breath was even, and his eyes were closed. Such a peaceful view. Ben closed his own eyes for a moment.

_He felt soles of his shoes melting as he stood on the hellish planet. His eyes were burning from hot air as well as tears. His lungs filled with smoke, he let out a choke. In front of him. screaming deformed shell of a most powerful Jedi he ever knew._

_“You could have had it all, Anakin!” He screamed through his tears. “A loving wife, and two beautiful children! Why? Why did you choose power and darkness over your own family?”_

_He sobbed as Anakin suddenly stood before him._

_“You are right.” He spat out, voice filled with venom. “Had you not showed up, I would have had it all. Do you think that I would hurt my wife if I didn’t that you were sleeping with her?”_

_Obi-Wan shook his head and took a step back from this menace in front of him._

_“It was YOU, who took Luke away from me! Do you think that he would cling to like that if he knew what you have done to him? To his father?”_

_Master Kenobi fell to the ground as the harsh reality hit him. Luke would hate him if he knew. He would despise him._

_He looked up. He saw those blue eyes. Full of hate, anger._

_“Anakin. I loved you. You were my brother. I’m sorry.” Violent sobs shook him as he clung to his former Padawan’s feet. “I am so sorry.”_

He opened his eyes. His hair and clothes were wet. He tried to get up, change his clothes. Drink some tea and get back to sleep as he had been doing for half of his life. Only this time he was met with the eyes that haunt his dreams.

“Did you have a nightmare?” The boy asked him. His voice barely above a whisper, but it cut through the silence like a knife. 

Obi-Wan could only nod, mesmerized by the weird moment almost familial intimacy, that he was sharing with the boy. He felt like he was caught red-handed. Like his greatest secret was out. But somehow he also felt better than he usually does after a nightmare. Before he could think about if he gathered little Luke in his arms so that the kid was laying on top of him and tucked his little head under his chin. He didn’t care about anything, he just needed to feel close to the only thing that was left of his brother.

“Did you lose someone important?” Luke was very strong with the force. It is such a shame that Jedi are no more. He would be without doubt the most powerful of them all. He had compassion and care, no doubt from Padme, that Anakin lacked. He wasn’t harsh around the edges, like his father. 

“My friend.” Obi-Wan felt both guilty with unveiling too much about himself to the boy, and happy to finally get some weight off his chest. 

“Sometimes at night, I cry,” Luke said in his childish voice. He shouldn’t cry, Obi-Wan thought, he is such a good kid he deserves the entire galaxy. “I cry because I don’t have parents like other kids do.” Oh no. “But then my auntie says that they are always with me.” Oh Force, let him shut up. “Right here.”

Luke gently placed his little hand over Obi-Wan’s heart. It took all of his Jedi training not to shake violently with sobs. He destroyed this boy’s life just as much as Anakin did. He tightened his embrace around the boy and threw back his head to stare at the ceiling with blurry vision. 

“Thank you, dear one.” He miraculously managed to sound calm. “I’m already feeling better.”

He was lying.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first posted SW fanfic!  
> Constructive criticism is very much welcome!


End file.
